LOVE ME, FEED ME, FUCK ONLY ME; by Breezi

LOVE ME, FEED ME, FUCK ONLY ME   

So urm, do relationship quotes annoy you? I don’t know if I’m speaking for myself only when I say; today’s idea of a perfect relationship sucks Camel balls! Oh wait, do perfect relationships exist sef? I wasn't gonna make any twitter references but urm, the shit Tweeps spew there about relationships and what not, takes away my appetite for fun, craze and a good no-karma mind-fucking.

Excuse my deep Yoruba, but 70% of relationship ‘experts’ or what do they call them these days, are fucked up freaks-in-denial high off sperm or cunt juice. Yes, I said it. Err.. I typed it rather.

Some people’s idea of a good relationship makes me laugh for days. Not!
I definitely wouldn’t mind a “Fuck me, Feed me, Fuck me again then love me later” type of relationship but then again, I’m experienced enough to know; there are more cons than pros when a relationship is based on sex.

Don’t stone me yet. According to my Mum, a good relationship should be: Love me, Feed me, Marry me then Fuck me.

*Loud cough*…*Suffocates Mum wiv’ Kisses*

Apparently, my Mum hasn’t seen the movie “When Harry tries to Marry.” Marriage isn’t for every Tomiwa, Dickson and Harry. Pun very much intended.

Since I have a mild case of commitophobia, I’ll rather settle for a Love me, Feed me, Fuck me type of relationship and see where that leads me oh! Life isn’t Nollywood.

So, off I go to BBM to ask a few of my female friends; In one sentence, what’s your idea of a good, if not perfect, relationship?

“Understanding. If they understand each other, everything should fall into place.” – Nnenna.

“I don’t have a ready made answer o. There is no standard na. But me I like a peaceful relationship, no fights and I don’t av to be explaining myself.” – Olayimika

“Putting yourself before the other person. Lmao! The other way around.” – Cynthia.

There.. all three of them are experienced females. None of them mentioned sex! :’(

I wouldn’t wish a “Fuck me, Fuck me, Fuck me everyday, then Love me when you remember” type of relationship on my Kid Sister. So I guess it’s wrong to demand it from other peoples’ Sisters or Daughters.

Sex can definitely make or mar a relationship. Ponder on that for a minute or two while I go buy some condoms.

- Breezi.
Twitter: @OrishaNinuPrada